Build Your Mental Gym
Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts. Prov 4:23
... but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.. Rom 12:2
Be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. 2 Chron 15:7
... but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.. Rom 12:2
Be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded. 2 Chron 15:7
How it works: During this time the synapses in your brain are literally rewiring your thoughts, and the more often you repeat these things, the stronger and faster the connections become as the myelin encapsulates and thickens around the new neurological connections. John Maxwell, Tony Robbins, and many other leadership coaches use and teach these techniques.
What you should know: Here's the difficult reality for this one. You have to push through the first few weeks where it *may* not feel like it's doing anything. It takes time to transform your mind, rewire your brain, but if you commit to this fiercely and completely, it absolutely works.
My own experience: Adopt the habits of those that are successful and you'll soon see the same results. I'm fortunate to have healthy role models as friends that have done this. I saw very little change in how I felt at first, and then it started to happen. I started to believe these things, if only temporarily. I would soon crash again, but I kept pushing through with this exercise because I believed in the theology and science. It can bring about permanent change if you do it properly. Every day, every week, each month the truth was driven deeper until it became part of me with fierce resilience at roughly the 120 day mark. I still revisit the affirmations and alter them as needed to match what area of my life I'm working on at the time.
Why it's worth it: Make a decision now to transform your life. Your own identity takes a beating, and you have to take responsibility NOW for who you believe you are -- at your core.
Profound Positivism: Read Out Loud Every Day
You can bookmark this page or copy it to your notes application on your phone.MYSELF:
am valuable, I am loved, I am worthy, I am forgiven, I am whole, I am made in God's image, I am strong. I am completely unique in all history and will be for all eternity. I do not compare myself to others. I celebrate the success of others. We are each on our own journey. I celebrate my uniqueness. I am perpetually growing.
I do not live under condemnation – I live deeply in God's grace. I am realistic about myself and deeply rooted in how God views me.
MY SITUATIONS:
I see all situations as opportunities. God opens doors. I am His instrument on this earth. I am a positive influence upon others and a blessing to others. I am sensitive towards and regularly experience moments in which God is involved in the situation. I see every situation as an opportunity to learn something. I am filled with gratitude and do not complain. I am grateful for each situation. I am grateful to God for every day I live on this earth. God uses the trials of life to deepen me. I gain something helpful from every trial I face. The greatest evil can become the greatest good – the cross is my template. The greatest trial brings about the greatest lesson for me to learn.
I see and experience that "all things work together for good." (Romans 8:28) The greatest trials bring the greatest opportunities. God has prepared works in advance for me to do and my current situation may be it. I am a steward of God's gifts and these opportunities. I am thankful and seize each one with gratitude. I sense God's presence as I go throughout my day at work, in my home, and with each and every relationship. I consecrate myself to His glory and accept His favor. I realize I am not perfect. I purposefully strive for excellence. Excellence is my goal.
MY FUTURE:
I know that "no storm lasts forever." God leads me. I live in expectation of a preferred future. I am exactly where I need to be. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jer 29:11) Life is filled with perpetual opportunities. I have hope for a preferred future and "hope does not disappoint". All things eventually work out for good (Romans 8:28). Every day I am getting stronger. I am deepening my character. I live out of victory (not for victory). The victory has already been won. God is preparing works in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10). The best of my life is yet to come. I accept His favor. Heaven is my ultimate destiny. God has everything in control. His timing is perfect. God does not leave me. I am not alone in this race. God loves me and shows me His favor. I am loved completely.
MY PRAYER:
I will not let someone else’s unbelief keep me from believing. I will not let other people talk me out of my dreams. I am in complete agreement with God. He says I am worthy and well-able. He says I am equipped. He says I am qualified. He says I am anointed, called and appointed to fulfill every dream and desire He’s placed in my heart!
Father, I trust that You are leading and guiding me today. I trust that You hold my future. I choose to tune out the discouraging voices and tune into Your Word. Fill me with Your peace and joy as You direct my steps in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Post This in Your Shower
What's required: "I am... I am... I am... " Post this in your shower and read it every day. Shower daily and read this. I carry it as a saved photo on my iphone for myself and for sharing with others.
How it works: Rewires your thinking.
What you should know: It absolutely works.
My own experience: I've used this personally and have a dozen stories of others that have also had phenomenal results. Men and women.
Why it's worth it: Make a decision now to transform your life. Your identity has taken a beating, and you have to take responsibility NOW for what you believe you are -- at your core.
Read or Listen to Books
What's required: Download the audible app onto your phone from www.audible.com.How it works: Growth and Truth.
What you should know: You must pump your brain full of positive truth! And use this time to GROW. Learn from others. These are people that have learned and written about their experiences from remarkable positions -- and you get to benefit and grow from them. Listen while driving, hanging out, getting ready, or going to sleep. I've fallen asleep many nights with a book playing. I simply go back to a place I remember and continue listening. Eventually, I get through the book and tackle the next one. Or read quietly curled up on the sofa without any distractions.
My own experience: Listening to books played a critical role in my healing. Shaken by Tim Tebow is where you need to start. Then depending on what you need you can go from there. If you're unsure, then choose I Feel Like Going On by Ray Lewis, followed by Extreme Ownership.
Why it's worth it: Make a decision now to transform your life. Your identity has taken a beating, and you have to take responsibility NOW for what you believe you are -- at your core.
Here are some of the books I listened to during those first 120 days. Remember. You get out of this what you put into it.
- Shaken: Discovering Your True Identity in the Midst of Life's Storms
Tim Tebow | 6 hrs and 13 mins - I Feel Like Going On: Life, Game, and Glory
Ray Lewis, Daniel Paisner | 9 hrs and 34 mins - Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win
Jocko Willink, Leif Babin | 8 hrs and 15 mins - The Circle Maker: Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears Mark Batterso | 7 hrs and 35 mins
- You Can Heal Your Life (Unabridged, Adapted for Audio)
Louise L. Hay | 5 hrs and 2 mins - You Can, You Will: 8 Undeniable Qualities of a Winner
Joel Osteen | 3 hrs and 40 mins - Man's Search for Meaning
Viktor E. Frankl | 4 hrs and 47 mins - Relationship Breakthrough: How to Create Outstanding Relationships in Every Area of Your Life
Cloe Madanes, Anthony Robbins | 6 hrs and 32 mins - Surviving Divorce: Your Guide to Finding Hope and Healing After an Unwanted Divorce
G.D. Lengacher | 2 hrs and 8 mins - Awaken the Giant Within
Anthony Robbins | 1 hr and 31 mins - Unlimited Power
Anthony Robbins | 50 mins - Think Better, Live Better: A Victorious Life Begins in Your Mind
Joel Osteen | 4 hrs and 21 mins - The Power of I Am: Two Words That Will Change Your Life Today
Joel Osteen | 7 hrs and 56 mins - I Declare: 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life
Joel Osteen | 2 hrs and 6 mins - Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Melody Beattie | 8 hrs and 24 mins - Boundaries
Dr. Henry Cloud, Dr. John Townsend | 11 hrs and 3 mins - The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth: Live Them and Reach Your Potential | John C. Maxwell | 7 hrs and 46 mins
Process and Grieve
What's required: Learn how to grieve, feel, and process your emotions.How it works: Grieving allows you to emotionally move through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Learn more here.
What you should know: This is going to hurt. Feel the pain hard up front now or you risk prolonging the hurt, or worse, never properly dealing with your emotions. Sound weak? Right.
My own experience: Looking back, I cannot stress enough the importance of processing and dealing with the waves of emotions. It was more painful than anything I had previously experienced, but it was worth processing and accepting the reality.
Why it's worth it: Because YOU are worth it. Deal with the emotions now. And anything else that happens to come up while processing your loss. Don't bring your baggage into another relationship.
This isn't easy.
- Learn about the grieving process. Study this. Do the work, and you will be in a much better spot in months... as opposed to winging it and struggling for years. Actively approach the healing with wisdom and maturity. Approach it with purpose. That's what this website is intended to help you do - as a start - not the cure.
- Continue to grieve. You'll continue to revisit and grieve over time, but you'll have core truth and a healthy understanding of what's happening. The frequency will lengthen over time, and the duration will shorten from days, to hours, to minutes. Expect it and let it happen. Don't hold it in. Get a (healthy) counselor and learn how to process and move on. You'll find yourself talking with others that have gone through divorce or serious life challenges and start picking up on signs showing they clearly haven't learned to grieve, let go, forgive, and move on... sometimes years after the event.
- Privatize. Share your thoughts and emotions with a counselor, your journal, a few friends - but NOT the other person. Privatize your feelings and don't put more fuel on the fire. Release. Let go. Forgiveness is for you, not them. It's so you can move forward.
- Be present. Learn about core mindfulness. Learn how to breathe. Consider yoga. Learn how to experience and process your emotions. Don't bottle your feelings inside. Don't *tough it out*. Cry. Process. Let go. Explore how you think as you process and grieve. Explore where your thoughts go. Practice capturing negative thoughts (experience them - don't be afraid - but don't let them rule you) with affirmative statements. Continuously vocally release and forgive.
