The words stung.
"He doesn't have to seek other people's opinions before making a decision."
It was meant to be a sledgehammer to my identity as a man by comparing me to the one that took my place. The context was related to being a man and making decisions without consulting others. There's a long backstory here and an even longer history. And this hurt. Many of you have been there. I know. I've heard the stories.
Has this ever happened to you? I was criticized for seeking counsel regarding a decision I felt carried significant consequences for both me and my kids. I knew I was doing the right thing. But I still hesitated when I heard the words despite what I knew to be true.
When do you ask for help?
The root of the concern from the other person often has more to do with sharing information than it does with getting good advice. Think about it.
Ask for help when the decision has long-term or significant consequences. Ask for help when you believe your next steps are going to define the terms of the outcome for a long time. Ask for help when you can learn from people that have been there. Take a moment to understand how your decision can lead to different outcomes, and then make the choice.
"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel."
Proverbs 12:15 NASB
Take the time. Seek counsel unabashedly and rest confidently when you ask for discernment, wisdom, and help. It's not called "being a man and making a decision for yourself" when you avoid counsel. That's called foolishness. Don't flinch. Don't hesitate. Don't back down. Walk with wisdom. Respond and make better decisions.
And yes, we need to be careful whose counsel we seek. Make sure we can trust them. Make sure they are speaking in wisdom, without agendas... or out of past hurt. But don't hesitate to get help from solid, upright people if you think making a bad decision will have costly repercussions.
"Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm."
Proverbs 13:20 NIV
"The thoughts of the righteous are just, But the counsels of the wicked are deceitful. The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood, But the mouth of the upright will deliver them."
Proverbs 12:5-6 NASB
Where do you go for help?
- Grounded counselor
- Healthy friends
- Healthy family
- Good books from trusted authors
- Teachings from the church
- Learn from your own experiences
- Holy Spirit
- The Word
Walk confidently in wisdom. It is a wise man who listens to counsel.
