Healthy Perspectives – Falling vs Rising

[Initial story retold with creative license... ]

Married 50 Years

A friend of mine ran across an older couple that had been married for more than 50 years.

My friend asked, "If you don't mind, what is your secret?"

The old man responded "Have you ever fallen in love? Really fallen in love with someone?"

"Yes, of course, several times"

"How did that work out for you?"

Caught off guard, my friend thought for a few moments before carefully answering, "I guess not too well." Reflecting back on his past loves, he realized none of them had matured into the expression of love standing in front of him.

"Exactly. Don't focus on falling in love. Focus on rising in love. Build it purposefully."

Falling and Rising in Love

Sometimes you fall fast. It can be fun, but be careful. Some say the faster you fall... the faster you're going to fall. It's not always true of course, but it stands to be careful that both of you are healed, healthy, committed, and share similar values. Then build it slowly. Rise purposefully.

Stick to your boundaries.
Beware of red flags and have the courage to exit stage left if it's not right. Seriously, I've heard from guys over just the last few days in really bad relationships where they *think* they have fallen in love, but the relationship isn't rising. Of course, try working on the relationship and work through issues. But sometimes the other person just doesn't value the relationship enough to work on rising with you. You don't want to believe it, but trust your instincts. This recently happened to me. Have self-respect. Exit. You're worth it. Stick to your boundaries. You'll attract people that are where you are on life's journey.

What have you learned?
Perhaps in reflection you peer over that last relationship with a fresh view of what worked and where things were completely off. As you process the relationship, you have choices. You can think about what you miss... or you can shift your view to what you have learned. Personally, I was in a vulnerable state and allowed myself to be put into a position where I always doubted my value in the relationship. We "fell in love"... We didn't "rise in love"... We never got to a point where we started rising consistently. When you see that happen, it's time to exit. I was thinking about it... but didn't. I ended up hurt in the process. Reflecting on our time together, I now understand how much I learned. I'm incredibly grateful for the experience. She taught me so many positive and incredible things about life in a short period of time. I wouldn't be who I am today without her. Be grateful for your experiences. Be grateful for what you've learned.

Don't settle. Get into a healthy relationship where you can rise together.

Forgive the Unforgivable. Hurt People... Hurt People.

This is a beautifully written devotional by Shannon Morrison, of Life Church in South Oklahoma City. It applies to so many different situations in life.

Instead of jumping to bitterness, consider empathizing with their heart and letting go as you forgive them. This doesn't mean you need to go back. Forgiveness is an act of grace that involves you. Reconciliation isn't a requirement for forgiveness.

Set up proper boundaries, be assertive, and forgive. Move on. You're worth it.

// Here's the devotional... Included here for context. Credit to www.bible.com and Shannon Morrison.

Loving the Unlovable [Link]

According to church standards, I was pretty good. I “loved the sinner, hated the sin” until the day I had to put this cliché into practice. There it was, my life thrown into a tailspin over a deep betrayal. I had to make a choice: walk away from the relationship or love someone who could not have cared less about the pain that was being inflicted on me, with no remorse or resolution in sight.

I sought God hard for wisdom. What should I do? It was in this moment God revealed something to me—the heart of my betrayer. The saying “hurt people hurt people” was exactly what was happening. This person was in complete turmoil. Unfortunately, he didn’t know how to deal with it or where to take it, so it was taken to me.

A funny thing happens when we begin to focus on the heart of others rather than their behavior. We become compassionate—like Jesus. Suddenly, it's no longer about me and how I’ve been hurt. Instead, it becomes about ways to love them through their pain.

I believe this is what Jesus is saying in His powerful Sermon on the Mount. How easy it is to love people who are kind to us. Even non-believers do that. Chances are, they aren’t the ones who need love the most. Honestly, it’s probably the back-stabbing coworker, the lying spouse, the rebellious teenager, or the horrible waiter at lunch. Taking the journey of loving like Jesus is life-changing. It’s loving with eternity in mind. It’s a risk, but one worth taking!

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." Matthew 5:43-48
\\

The Non-Zero System

[Minor copyedits... content sent by A.F.]

The list of things that are needed is quite intimidating for someone who can't pick themselves up off the floor... Following an entire regimen might not work the same way it does for you. I would consider incorporating the concept of "no more zero days" into this. It goes like this... 

There are no more zero days

"There are no more zero days. What's a zero day? A zero day is when you don't do a single thing towards whatever dream or goal or want or getting past whatever that you've got going on. No more zeros. I'm not saying you gotta bust an essay out or run 3 miles everyday. That's not the point. The point I'm trying to make is that you have to promise yourself that the new SYSTEM you live in is a NON-ZERO system.

Didn't do anything all day and it's 11:58 PM? Write one sentence. One pushup. Read one page of that chapter. One. Because one is non zero. You feel me? When you're in the super vortex of being bummed... your pattern of behaviour is keeping the vortex going because that's what you're used to.

Turning into productivity ultimate master of the universe doesn't happen from within the vortex. It happens from a massive string of CONSISTENT NON ZEROS. That's rule number one. Do not forget.

No more Zero Days

Lessons from a Peruvian Drug Dealer

Thinking back to an incredible men's group night several months ago. 50-60 guys but it was intimate. Awesome message around a massive fire pit.

A Peruvian drug dealer turned pastor shared his heart and amazing rise. There were points in the story where you thought it couldn't get worse. And then when it started getting better, he was crushed again. Lost everything. Lost everything but his faith. It took him years to rebuild.

It took time, but God had a purpose for his life. 

How he ended the night struck me into silence as I stared at the flames.

"What's your story? What is it? ... I have two questions for you. 
Is your story an excuse for failure? 

. . . Or is it a reason to fight?"

Silence. Nobody moved for a few minutes.

I choose to fight. 

It's a beautiful contrast of decisively moving forward and yielding to the best that God has for you.

Remember, God had a purpose for that man. His thread of continuity led you to read the questions he posed to us around that fire pit. So now I ask you. What is your story? What will you do?

Tale of Two Teachers. Choose Wisdom.

The Tale of Two Teachers.

Kept thinking about it today and decided to write it out. Have you recently found yourself reacting to situations instead of processing and properly responding? Sharing in case it helps, or just reminds you to take a softer and different response to that next stressful situation that crosses your path.

The two teachers represent the two paths. They are WISDOM and SUFFERING. Stop, think, and respond with understanding, patience, wisdom, grace.

Fight Forward. Take the Next Step...

[Guest contribution from AH. These are his words.] 

This stuff is really important to me.

I see men struggle over and over again... and so often, besides the problem of having taken their eyes off the Lord, men have forgotten that they are men. And really, in this age, men don’t even know what men even are! When you don’t have a clear idea of what you are supposed to be, you’re stuck and confused not liking what you currently are... (with no map on how to get to where you should be!) 

Lack of movement is a destroyer of hopes and dreams... 

Progress, however small, can fuel further effort — so it’s important to “take the next step.” One thing well known throughout military & warrior cultures is that the best you, the smartest, most focused, most effective you, is only possible with a primed and ready body. Even if you didn’t care about looks or fitness, and only cared about the mind, you must exercise regularly to optimize YOU. 

Men need a dual message. One absolutely being “We’re all fallen. We all need Christ. We all can be weak and broken.”  BUT ALSO the hard message of get off your ___ and move... push yourself... Too often it’s easy to sympathize but not energize someone else. 

Fight Forward...

I really do think ‘modern’ man suffers immensely from the wrong paradigm. The wrong perspective. A shallow, emasculated view of life and their place in it. This generation reeks of weaknesses and submissiveness to difficulty (Instead of SUBMITTING to God, and RESISTING the devil. Fighting. Yes, fighting forward in life. This subject fires me up because I think it’s so needed. 

FWIW - I’m a big advocate of getting up early. If you can win THAT battle the rest of the day can be easy. I’m up at 4:30 every day. I immediately workout, read my Bible, plan, and think/read some more. Mentally, when you’ve done what very few have the discipline to do, you are in a different mindset the rest of the day. 

Sometimes it’s “hard” for men to make a few small changes, and easier to really decide to get hardcore about life. Because little changes create little results. Hardcore changes bring about hardcore results. 

So if you want to change -- get up and attack . . .

-- AH

Privatize Your Emotions

These are personal notes that come from working with a Tony Robbins life coach.

The idea of privatizing emotions may take a little bit to process. It is extremely effective. Some of the things we want to complain about to our spouses or kids are far less important than maintaining the relationship!

It's the same reason you write that crazy email but sit on it for 24 hours. Then you reread it – and reconsider – before you send it.

Keep moving!

The owner of my gym told me about a reoccurring dream. The image was of him going through a desert with carcasses on either side of a long straight road. The road itself was clear. After many miles he came to an impenetrable black wall that soared into the sky, blocking his progress.

At that point he questioned God and said, "Lord, there's no way I can get past this wall." Then he turned around to see God standing there with him.

In an instant, he was standing on top of the wall looking out into a beautiful oasis. Asking for an explanation, the Lord told him that the carcasses on the road were dreams that people gave up. Places where people quit. He simply had to keep going forward. Moving and never giving up. Keep advancing.

Later on the same day I started reading the Psalms out loud and soon came to Psalm 18:28-29.

"You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall."

You are not alone.

Keep moving!!