Married 50 Years
A friend of mine ran across an older couple that had been married for more than 50 years.My friend asked, "If you don't mind, what is your secret?"
The old man responded "Have you ever fallen in love? Really fallen in love with someone?"
"Yes, of course, several times"
"How did that work out for you?"
Caught off guard, my friend thought for a few moments before carefully answering, "I guess not too well." Reflecting back on his past loves, he realized none of them had matured into the expression of love standing in front of him.
"Exactly. Don't focus on falling in love. Focus on rising in love. Build it purposefully."
Falling and Rising in Love
Sometimes you fall fast. It can be fun, but be careful. Some say the faster you fall... the faster you're going to fall. It's not always true of course, but it stands to be careful that both of you are healed, healthy, committed, and share similar values. Then build it slowly. Rise purposefully.Stick to your boundaries.
Beware of red flags and have the courage to exit stage left if it's not right. Seriously, I've heard from guys over just the last few days in really bad relationships where they *think* they have fallen in love, but the relationship isn't rising. Of course, try working on the relationship and work through issues. But sometimes the other person just doesn't value the relationship enough to work on rising with you. You don't want to believe it, but trust your instincts. This recently happened to me. Have self-respect. Exit. You're worth it. Stick to your boundaries. You'll attract people that are where you are on life's journey.
What have you learned?
Perhaps in reflection you peer over that last relationship with a fresh view of what worked and where things were completely off. As you process the relationship, you have choices. You can think about what you miss... or you can shift your view to what you have learned. Personally, I was in a vulnerable state and allowed myself to be put into a position where I always doubted my value in the relationship. We "fell in love"... We didn't "rise in love"... We never got to a point where we started rising consistently. When you see that happen, it's time to exit. I was thinking about it... but didn't. I ended up hurt in the process. Reflecting on our time together, I now understand how much I learned. I'm incredibly grateful for the experience. She taught me so many positive and incredible things about life in a short period of time. I wouldn't be who I am today without her. Be grateful for your experiences. Be grateful for what you've learned.
Don't settle. Get into a healthy relationship where you can rise together.
