Reasons, Seasons, and Lifetimes

Some people are part of our lives for a reason.
Some people are part of our lives for a season.
Some people are part of our lives for a lifetime.

The context includes love relationships, but also friends, acquaintances, business partners, and colleagues. With some people, you have to let go. Just let it go. Release. Think to yourself, I want what's best for you more than I want you with me.

Pastor Keith delivered a fresh message with humility and vulnerability, sharing with his church how he struggles with the same challenges that each one of us face. These are intimate challenges such as insignificance, temptation, discouragement... oh.. right.. And rejection.

We all deal and struggle with rejection at some point during our lives. Perhaps you're examining friendships in your life. Perhaps you're questioning what happened to a recent relationship. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. I've learned the importance of forgiveness, grace, value, respect, humility, loving yourself, bringing everything to the cross... I choose to look at past relationships for what I learned from each one. Don't let me make it sound easy, because it's not. Life is real. But you can do it.

Someone (thank you KM) said recently, "You have to be who you are and find someone that fits within your world, as opposed to forcing yourself to fit into someone else's world." Again, the context easily fits many of  the relationships in your life. Yes, we compromise, but we don't lose our identity. We also never allow others the control which leads us to question our value. Establish your own beliefs and base your decisions off of who you are at your core. Establish healthy boundaries to protect your identity and core beliefs. And by the way, give yourself grace for your own imperfections.

How do you handle the ones that don't work out? 
Learn to forgive. Extend grace. Forgiveness is an act of grace that is for you. No regrets. No judgement. Process, grieve, let go, heal. Be present with what you have now and appreciate what you've learned.

Stay positive. Your best is yet to come.

“But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. Do to others as you would like them to do to you. “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return. “Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate. “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven."
Luke 6:27-37

"Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God's people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you. Don't curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don't be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don't think you know it all! Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, "I will take revenge; I will pay them back," says the Lord. Instead, "If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads." Don't let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:9-21‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Image credit here.

On Seeking Counsel

The words stung. 

"He doesn't have to seek other people's opinions before making a decision."

It was meant to be a sledgehammer to my identity as a man by comparing me to the one that took my place. The context was related to being a man and making decisions without consulting others. There's a long backstory here and an even longer history. And this hurt. Many of you have been there. I know. I've heard the stories.

Has this ever happened to you? I was criticized for seeking counsel regarding a decision I felt carried significant consequences for both me and my kids. I knew I was doing the right thing. But I still hesitated when I heard the words despite what I knew to be true.

When do you ask for help? 
The root of the concern from the other person often has more to do with sharing information than it does with getting good advice. Think about it.

Ask for help when the decision has long-term or significant consequences. Ask for help when you believe your next steps are going to define the terms of the outcome for a long time. Ask for help when you can learn from people that have been there. Take a moment to understand how your decision can lead to different outcomes, and then make the choice.

"The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭12:15‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Take the time. Seek counsel unabashedly and rest confidently when you ask for discernment, wisdom, and help. It's not called "being a man and making a decision for yourself" when you avoid counsel. That's called foolishness. Don't flinch. Don't hesitate. Don't back down. Walk with wisdom. Respond and make better decisions.

And yes, we need to be careful whose counsel we seek. Make sure we can trust them. Make sure they are speaking in wisdom, without agendas... or out of past hurt. But don't hesitate to get help from solid, upright people if you think making a bad decision will have costly repercussions.

"Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm." 
Proverbs 13:20 NIV
"The thoughts of the righteous are just, But the counsels of the wicked are deceitful. The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood, But the mouth of the upright will deliver them."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭12:5-6‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Where do you go for help?

• Grounded counselor 
• Healthy friends
• Healthy family
• Good books from trusted authors 
• Teachings from the church
• Learn from your own experiences
• Holy Spirit
• The Word

Walk confidently in wisdom. It is a wise man who listens to counsel.